About Me: Healing Social Anxiety with Counselling and Reiki

I grew up in an environment where obedience was prized above all else—where looking good and only saying what others wanted to hear were signs of being “good.” In my family, the adults demanded to be listened to but rarely extended the same courtesy to me. When I met their needs, I was praised for being obedient. But when I spoke honestly—or even just mimicked the way they talked, like repeating the Hokkien curse words my father often used—I was shamed and told, “That’s not how a good girl talks.”

Slowly but surely, it anchored itself deep within me: to be loved and accepted by my family, I had to prioritise their needs over mine.

My father was obsessed with celebrities and the media. He spent hours watching TV, absorbed in Taiwanese variety shows and celebrity gossip. To him, what he saw on screen—flashy, confident, beautiful—was reality. That surface image became his standard of truth.

And so, I was constantly compared to that ideal.

Why wasn’t I as outspoken or witty as the TV hosts?

Why didn’t I look like the slim, fashionable women on screen?

Why wasn’t I enough?

Years of this conditioning left a deep imprint. I began to internalise those expectations. I wanted to be like the women on television. I wanted to look the part. Deep down, I believed: If I became that woman on TV, maybe my father would finally approve of me.

And so began the spiral.

I fell into an eating disorder that lasted for years. I tried to cover up my low self-worth with clothes, makeup, and luxury bags—anything that might help me feel like I mattered. Like I was finally good enough.

What Traumatised Me from Being in the Limelight

One day, my father casually mentioned that I had a good singing voice—that I should join a competition and become a singer. I held onto that comment like a lifeline. If I became a singer, I thought, maybe I’ll finally earn his approval. Maybe the world will love me too.

At 17, I signed up for singing lessons, paying for them myself with part-time job wages. But when my father found out, he shook his head in disapproval, calling it a waste of money. Still, I continued—driven by a determination to become someone. Because back then, I felt like no one, especially within my own family.

Eventually, I entered a local singing competition. But during the performance, my voice cracked on a high note. That one moment was captured and included in a promotional commercial. The media company featured both the best—and the worst. I was among the worst.

Each time the commercial aired, I hid in my room. I could hear whispers from my family. People I knew laughed at me.

And just like that, it anchored itself into my mind: I am one of the worst.

What was I thinking?

That I could ever be good enough?

Why did I turn myself into a laughing stock?

From that point on, I became terrified of being seen. Terrified of sharing anything personal. I told myself I wasn’t worthy of the spotlight—that if I ever tried to be seen or heard again, I would only be criticised, judged, and humiliated. It felt like reliving my childhood all over again.

How Bad It Got at One Point

For a long time, I was a wallflower. You might notice me in a room, but you’d rarely hear my voice. I listened attentively to others, but when it came to sharing about myself, I stayed hidden — it had become second nature. I was conditioned from young to focus on others and keep myself small. It felt safer that way, especially after my traumatising experience.

Whenever someone asked, “And how about you? Who are you?”—my hands would shake, and my voice would tremble. The fear of sounding foolish was overwhelming.

My social anxiety peaked during my last corporate job at an advertising firm, where socialising was part of the culture. I had to lead meetings and speak up often — but inside, it was crippling. I came home drained every single day. Just one judgmental look could send my nervous system into overdrive.

Each morning, I’d wake with a flood of intrusive thoughts: How will I be judged today? What if I mess up again?

I tried to hold it all together, to seem composed, while inside, I was barely managing. On the worst days, the anxiety would manifest as intense heart palpitations — sometimes lasting for hours.

How Counselling Began My Healing Journey

I didn’t know where or how to start. But one day, while looking at my confident co-workers, I realised I couldn’t keep living like this. After making little progress through self-healing alone, I began seeing counsellors and therapists.

My therapist held space for me in a way no one ever had. I found myself constantly scanning for signs of judgement—but none came. Over time, I became more natural and open in sharing my thoughts and feelings. For the first time, it felt safe to be seen for who I truly was.

Before therapy, whenever I shared my struggles with people around me, I often received comments like:

"I don’t understand why you feel like this. I’ve never felt that way.”

“You’re too negative—just reframe your thoughts.”

“Recite affirmations. Visualise confidence.”

I tried. But nothing seemed to work.

It was strange—and deeply freeing—when my therapist didn’t try to fix me or distract me. She just listened. And for the first time, I felt like I could finally breathe.

As I explored my experiences more deeply, I began to understand that this wasn’t “just my personality.” My nervous system had been wired this way to protect me. That awareness helped me start practising self-compassion. When I stopped fearing my anxiety, I stopped fuelling it.

Being seen and heard—and still accepted—was something I couldn’t give myself in isolation. Self-healing through books and online advice can only go so far, especially when human connection is such an essential part of healing social anxiety.

It was the combination of therapy, active imagination, and planned exposure work that brought me further than I ever got trying to heal on my own.

How Reiki Came Into the Picture

By the time I began practising Reiki, my nervous system had already calmed significantly. I could share parts of myself in intimate settings. But in larger group settings—or on public platforms like social media—I still struggled. Small talk was fine, but my body would freeze beyond that. My breath would become shallow.

When I began offering Reiki treatments, it became clear that I needed to show up online. Marketing myself—let alone singing my own praises—felt excruciating. Even just saying, “Hi, I’m Jasmine. I offer Reiki,” was hard.

So I started sending Label Reiki to the energetic field of my social anxiety: to my fear of speaking up, to my fear of being seen.

*Label Reiki is a form of directed energy healing. In Reiki Level 2, you will learn to send Reiki to morphic fields—energetic templates that hold collective experiences. In my case, I created a label for “social anxiety” and channelled Reiki energy into it.

Healing is never linear. There were good days and hard days. But over time, I noticed I no longer had to constantly remind myself that I was safe. Even on anxious days, I found I had more space and capacity to express myself.

Reiki didn’t make my anxiety disappear overnight. But it helped regulate my nervous system. It gave me space between the trigger and the response.

Reiki helped activate my parasympathetic nervous system, allowing me to process my thoughts and feelings. It didn’t bypass or suppress them—it created a safe container for them to surface, so I could finally accelerate my healing on social anxiety.

Where I Am Now

Fast forward to a year ago. During a Reiki sharing session, I spoke about my journey with social anxiety. My teacher said, “Did you realise you’re speaking so naturally in a group now?”

Today, I hold individual sessions for counselling and Reiki. I host group sessions (Astro & Psyche), and I show up on social media, including YouTube.

And every time I do, I honour the part of me that was once terrified of being seen—with the ongoing support of counselling and Reiki.

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If you're holding too much in your nervous system, it can feel overwhelming to work through it alone. You can book a Counselling and/or Reiki session to help you process and find relief. Or even better—consider learning Reiki for yourself, so you can support and hold space for your healing whenever you need it.

Hi, I’m Jasmine—a counsellor and Reiki practitioner. If you're ready to receive support as you navigate your own journey of showing up, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.

Let’s chat—scroll down to book a free discovery call.