After talking through all of the key concepts that we all possess our own free-will to take things under our control, there is one huge aspect we (almost) have no control over, which is what our higher self signed up for before we descend onto this reality on earth.
Which some of the details can be revealed through our astrological natal chart.
I believe that there are certain things in life that we are meant to go through, to experience, or even, to serve. In fact, if our higher self chose for our soul to experience certain events in life, I could even say that, we are the very person who chose for certain experiences to come into our life.
I know, it doesn't feel like it, especially when it's unbearable, let alone traumatising.
Heck, I wouldn't even want you to feel like it-- the last thing I want for anyone is for you to start blaming yourself for everything that happened.
But one thing to keep in mind is that, without the lived experience and the journey towards mastery, there is no way you are going to truly learn the lesson you are meant to go through.
I mean... will you believe truly mastery comes from going through tough times and learning from it? Or do you believe mastery comes from just solely knowledge from books and courses?
THE LEARNING CURVE
Keeping in mind, the 3D reality on earth is just a intense school for souls to speed up your learning process. For both you, and your soul.
Without pain, there is no pleasure.
Without sadness, there is no joy.
Without lack, there is no appreciation for possession.
Having the good fortune to have a close friend who is a astrologer, I've got to see astrology from an angle of Jungian Psychology, which is very close to how I always describe life's lesson.
We usually experience the opposite end of our destination when we were young (which usually manifest as our desires), and it's through this journey that we truly learn and master the lesson. (Cue north and south nodes)
MY STORY
In my teenage years, I wanted to be a singer. I have to admit it wasn't really soul-led-- my father was obsessed with celebrities, and I thought being on TV and successful was the only way to gain his attention and approval. However, in several competitions, I did not do well and was shamed and humiliated, and once it was even shown on national TV. It registered in my body that I'm a failure, and it's not safe to show up and try.
Since then, l have always felt unsafe to show up, and there is a tendency of always wanting to hide. Because to me, there's where safety is.
I've spent a great, big part of my life hiding. I worked a corporate job in the finance department, the field I chosen because it seems to have the least human interaction. I want to be kept safe.
But funny how things have its way.
The next thing I know, I was working in the advertising industry, where socialising is almost mandatory. Albeit still in finance department, I have regular meetings with important stakeholders in the company.
The safety zone I perceived shrunk significantly.
I struggled with social anxiety while working in my last company for almost 5 years. My breathe becomes shallow and my palms sweat whenever there is any upcoming meeting or social events. It felt worst when I'm working in the industry where it consist the most extroverts. I may be look like I function well, but I had crashed multiple times after meetings and events, and I would need a long time to recuperate from the exhaustion of needing to function "normally" while handling my crippling social anxiety.
Imagine how I felt when I was told in my astrology and Zi Wei Dou Shu I was meant to be an educator and to spread my knowledge to many.
So I've experienced trauma from showing up, especially in my case, I was looking for fame and recognition for the wrong reason. Even though I failed and I thought I learned my 'lesson', life kept putting circumstances in my way to push me to heal through this trauma, and learn to show up for the right reason. I believe my lesson here is showing up authentically for myself, loving myself conditionally no matter how I am viewed in other's eyes. But it's (still) not an easy journey.
Even though I understand why life kept putting me in these circumstances and what I'm meant to learn, the crippling fear of failure and the potential of being ridiculed far exceeds that. I went through phases of denial and resistance, and my mind went into brainstorming mode, searching of ways to fulfil that without ever showing up.
FREE-WILL
But do you know that, I still possess the free-will to choose not to fulfill what I was meant to do this my life?
And the same goes for all of us-- while our codes embedded in our natal chart might push us towards a certain direction (especially our life's mission), we all still possess the free-will to say no.
Picture the times where you lived with your parents or caretakers when you were younger. You want to just play, but your mom kept nagging you to study. She told you if you don't, she threatens you with all of the possibilities of all of the bad things that might happen to you, like failing exams, and eventually leading to dropping out of school.
While the constant nagging and intimidations are there, technically, the decision still lies in your hands. You still have your own free-will to choose not to do what your mom says, even though I understand how hard it can be with your mom constantly breathing down your neck. At some point you might even find it hard to differentiate whether it's her voice or yours.
I can use this analogy in two ways, if I'm honest. (1) You can look at it in terms of how the unconscious shadow in your psyche controls you, but that's another story for another time.
And (2), which I'm meant to say in this case, is that the codes of your life purpose (or mission) embedded in you since birth will continuous nag at you in the background (like your mom). It is definitely in your power to ignore you, but it will be undoubtedly take a whole lot of will and effort.
Moreover, if you choose to do things differently, things might get difficult. It can manifest as external circumstances, or you might experience the inner conflict within you.
For example, I have been ignoring my calling to show up authentically, and to share my learnings. I wanted to live in the shadow and not attract any attention. I worked in a 9-6 job in the finance department, and I tried my best to show up the way how others might perceive as appropriate and acceptable, and not necessary 'me' at all. The resentment in me started building in me, and I could get extremely exhausted from holding back myself. The nagging voice kept telling me I should be doing something else, but I pretend not to hear it. It started with internal conflict, the voice of my calling challenging the other voice that was trying to avoid the perceived danger. Eventually, it manifested into reality. Situations started to get worse at work, and eventually work stopped being my safe harbour (well, from now I see it, it was just a perceived safe harbour).
There are people out in this world who ignored their calling their whole life, it is entirely possible, just that it can be utterly challenging. Which is why the phrase 'I cannot ignore my calling anymore' comes from. Given what I had experienced, it felt true. And also which is why, it's called 'co-creation' with the Universe. Your higher self signed you up for the life's purpose/mission, but it still takes two hands to clap, and it would still require you to say yes, with your own free-will.
THE AMOUNT OF FREE-WILL
This is through listening to tons of spiritual podcasts and observations-- there are multiple types of reincarnations. So according this podcast by Mariya, there are master, sleeper, starseeds reincarnations, just to name a few.
How I would simplify this is, we possess different amount of free-will, and I would say this is decided by our higher self before us coming into this life. Some of us may have come into this life having to learn or master a specific lesson, some of us have a specific life mission to fulfill. Some of us choose to have a 'vacation' life (which was not mentioned in the podcast), which is to, just simply enjoy life and the pleasures life on earth has to offer.
Of course, not going to mention sleeper reincarnation here, since the chances of them seeking out such content is low.
For myself, (un)fortunately, from my natal astrological chart reading, I understand I have YOD presented in my chart. It almost meant I have a mission to fulfill in this lifetime. Again, I still can choose to not fulfill it and gone the other way, but the nagging feeling will definitely be very strong. (Imagine your mom nagging non-stop at you to do your homework, and she wouldn't stop unless you complete it. Except in this case, you might be able to get out of the house. But in this context that we are talking about, there is no way you can escape from that voice.)
Also, I would even go as far as saying this-- If you choose to go down another path rather than your life's purpose/mission, you may find it harder to manifest the things you want in that path. Because the frequencies/codes that had been imprint in you since birth, will play a part in what you can manifest.
LIFE PURPOSE
So I mentioned a little bit earlier, some of us (or rather, our higher self), choose to fulfill a certain life purpose or mission in life. It can be self-serving (or rather, soul-serving), which I'll call it life's purpose, or to serve the greater good of mankind, or even earth, which I'll call it life's mission.
Imagine that came down with the mission of serving the earth, but you just want to hide within the four walls so you will feel safe-- do you think your higher self will just allow that to happen? Or will they put you through circumstances so you will put in the place where you're supposed to fulfill your mission?
I believe the codes of this life's purpose/mission will be imprint within you since birth, and influence you going towards a certain direction in life. You will keep having this feeling, or heading this voice, which is, I believe, why they call this a calling.
TIMING
In Chinese, there is this phrase "人生有三衰六旺", which meant in life, there will be three unfortunate events, and six good ones. Obviously, I don't believe it that the number of events will happen exactly like it said in that phrase, but yes to what it means-- life has it's ups and downs. And I believe it has its reason for it.
I believe that the good times are reaping what you had sowed, and the not-so-good times are meant for healing and letting go of things that no longer serves you.
Without the healing work and the letting go during the lows, you can only get so high during the highs.
If you kept focusing on only wanting to have highs in your life, you will struggle during the lows, let alone being able to do deep, meaningful healing.
Which also meant, and emphasizing, the importance of learning to let go.
Like, for myself, I have been in my lows since Jan 2023, going through my Pluto transit. challenging me to take a good, hard look at all of the in my life I perceived as security, that they might keep me safe, and to rethink, are they really?
It had been a highly challenging period. I had gone through several testing circumstances, and shed a lot of skin, transform into my new self again and again. Till now, I still see not much harvest I can reap. And there was a period of time where I got really frustrated, and wonder where is it? What am I doing wrong?
But, it's all about timing. The effort you had put in hasn't gone to waste, it isn't because it's not working, it's just because it's just not the season for harvesting yet.
Sometimes, understanding this, knowing how it works, might relaxes you, allowing yourself to know it will eventually come. But if you find it hard to relax, an astrology reading (I highly recommend Tonya) that provides you with more clarity might give you a peace of mind.
For myself, my Pluto transit will be ending at Oct 2024. So I know that's something I can look forward to. And for now, I can just keep doing what I'm doing.
Allow the tides to take you where you're supposed to go.
If there are still things that you need to let go, allow it.
If circumstances happen to help you gain more clarity, be with it.
If you are meant to transform again, go with it.
I GUESS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS
I have definitely shared more information than what I intended to, because Life's Purpose is a huge topic in and of itself. But on the topic of Manifestation, what I meant to say is, even though we may all possess the free-will to choose what we want to do and manifest in life, our frequencies will always be influenced by our codes of life purpose, imprinted in us since birth.
So if you are fixated on manifesting something that may be pulling you away from your calling, and you are having a hard time manifesting it, this might be the reason why.
ALSO...
Before I let you go, I also want to give you a gentle reminder.
“We all get dealt cards. Some of us get better cards than others. And while it’s easy to get hung up on our cards, and feel we got screwed over, the real game lies in the choices we make with those cards, the risks we decide to take, and the consequences we choose to live with. People.”
— Mark Manson
I believe there is a reason why our higher self choose for us to experience certain things in life, while that being said, some of are came into a life more challenging than others. And while I believe that's because you have a more resilient soul than others, remember, you are still be born with a shitty dealt cards than some others.
Be gentle, be kind with yourself, and let go of all comparison.
Our journey is not going to be linear, and unique, and it's something that you can compare alongside with another's.
And most of all, be brave. You will never be presented with challenges you can not handle.
You got this.
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